March is Women’s History Month! I’m celebrating “sisterhood” all month by reposting some of my most intense blogs and also lending my page to my sisters. Women who I love, admire and cherish. Women who have an uncanny ability of garnering attention, even when they don’t try. Although they often whisper, their tones are loud…the impact is great and sometimes its not easy to consume. I hope you’re ready…and if not…oh well..
I’m starting it off with me…one of the most raved and criticized blogs I posted in 2013. Emails and comments kept coming months later. I know it was a sensitive issue, but one that needed to be addressed. Enjoy…
The Price of the Va Jay Jay
So over the course of the past two weeks, I have encountered several women who are playing second best! They are the other woman, the side kick, the jump off! Whatever title makes you feel good about being a mistress, insert it here_____________. I have mulled their situations and circumstances over and over in my mind and I have come to the conclusion that no matter how you sum it up…..it isn’t a wise move, nor is it a right move!
Now I’m sure I will get the normal responses of “Well, I’m good with it…” “He treats me good…” “I get everything I want…” yada, yada, yada… In all actuality, perhaps you do get a nice percentage of the paycheck when it is brought home. However, let’s peel away the surface shall we? Lets talk about the realness of the situation… which is the price that you have attached to yourself as a woman. The mere idea that you are happy with being second best to the wife or even the significant other says a lot about YOU! The fact you are ok with being the side salad with the entrée, the late night visit or even the booty call gives great insight into who you are and how you perceive yourself. The fact that you have lowered yourself to a small price! Is it one your mother would be proud of? I’m sure she raised her daughter to be of more worth than a new set of tires, a bottle of Beyonce Heat or perhaps the cost of the electric bill! Maybe even the mortgage…. a mere 1200 dollars or so? All of this is the cost you have attached to your time, your companionship, your va jay jay??? In essence you are being privately pimped….and yes you are happy with it???? Wow, if your time and companionship is not worth more, than surely the va jay jay deserves a little more respect!!
I can only say this….. its time that you thought about YOUR WORTH! Your lowered standard has just brought the rest of the female population down several notches! Perhaps, this is why women are not getting the respect we deserve from men… lowballers like you come along and mess up the equation! It’s like putting an item up for sale on Ebay for 29 cents, when the same item is listed by everyone else for no less than $5.00! True you may get a lot of sales, however, in the end, you are still working twice as hard to accomplish the same thing! You are going to have to list at least 25 items at that price and HOPE they sell to make a profit. While your counterpart only listed one!
Its past time we remind ourselves and teach our daughters that we are truly a prize, a gift…. worth more than a mere 29 cents, a bottle of perfume, a red lobster dinner or an electric bill!
It doesn’t surprise me that money makes the world go around and along with our loneliness, can cause us to accept anything that comes along…even if he has issues! Our lack of knowing our worth, causes us to just settle…even when he is not what we really want. It’s okay to have standards…and its okay to require men to meet them!
The fact that he is attached, means he is not available! Well perhaps some evenings and weekends…and if you’re okay with being a scheduling conflict then……
And the wife…yeah the one at the house, perhaps taking care of the kids, cooking dinner, driving the Lexus? She truly has it going on! While you are busy being the side salad, the after thought, the stressed out and under appreciated chick on the side who is getting the leftovers… she’s sitting at the table eating steak every night. And for the women who get the sympathy story from the men who say their wife is sorry, doesn’t cook, doesnt pay him any attention, doesn’t want to have sex, the list continues…. Have you ever considered that he is lying?? I mean, really? Would you still continue to be his side piece, if he said “Yeah my wife is the best thing that ever happened to me, however can YOU rub my back and cook me dinner?”
Let me cue you in on a secret….. often the wife already knows that her man is spreading the wealth! A smart woman continues to play her position, because she has the upper hand. That old adage of “He isn’t going anywhere!!” is true…if so, you would have had him a long time ago! So the wise first place winner holds her position and often will continue to raise her price….causing him to dig deeper in his pockets for the home front! A new car, a new house and a vacation will often be your clue that she has peeped the game! Guilt gift or not….she will take it as it comes, knowing eventually something or someone has to break! And that my sister is when it ALL falls down! And she still wins, while you are left with the fallout foolishness and the feeling of being used. If by chance the marriage does end and you do get the prize….a smart women will make sure that you are still left with nothing! Those Red Lobster dinners will be far and few in between when he is paying child support, alimony, car payments etc. It seems that sexy, “taken men” become sooooo undesirable when they are propped up on your couch…..broke!
My prayer is that women recognize their worth! Know they are beautiful in any shade or size and truly a prize to be treated like a Queen. You are royalty! Recognize that being second best is a reflection of not only you, but sends a message to everyone who knows you! Your girlfriends, daughters and nieces are learning a lesson in who they are… through you! Stop letting men play with your temple…the one that God blessed you with!
I know the waiting game is hard…shoot I’m in it too! However, its worth every minute when that Boaz comes through the door. Just remember the Bible says a man who FINDS a woman finds a good thing…so YOU don’t have to do the detective work at all…just keep your temple in good shape. There are GOOD MEN out there, trust me…patience is a virtue!
So in closing, although I don’t personally like Beyonce, I’ll cue her “Single Ladies” at this party to let women know the importance of their self-worth and the fact that a ring should be put on it! Wait on it…the va jay jay is well worth it!
I’ll even do the “shake” dance if that will get your attention!
Oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh…
Peace, Love & Empowerment