This “31 Days of Estrogen” blog comes from a beautiful friend and awesome woman of God! Saleena Buckner gives some fabulous advice for single women on their quest to find “the one!” Thank you Saleena for lending your voice!
What Are You Looking For?
Throughout sixteen years of marriage, I have seen the desperation, the longing and high hopes of single women wanting to take the journey down the aisle. They speak about meeting the “love of their life” or their “Mr. Right.” I look forward to the moment my phone rings and I pick it up and hear the ecstatic voice on the other end screaming “I finally met the one!” However, this vision is clouded when I think about anxious women unwillingness to sit down with a successful married couple to find out how to be married. Now there are no “cookie cutter” marriages, but there are principles needed to make things work.
No couple has ALL the answers; if they did they could sell their knowledge and become a millionaire. Yet, for couples who took the road less traveled, there is wisdom, experience and tried principles in their arsenal. So when I come into the presence of a couple that is successful, I always ask for advice. Why wouldn’t I? They’ve already been where I’m trying to go.
For women, the excitement of marriage often clouds their vision and drowns out the voice of truth when it comes to picking a husband. For example, my mother was walking down the aisle when she heard the voice of truth saying, “don’t do it.” She ignored the voice because of all the money that was spent and the people that were there; she couldn’t let all of this go to waste. Instead of turning back and living through a short moment of regret, she lived through 10+ years of regret.
When most women talk about finding the right mate, they list certain qualities they want their husband to have i.e. financial stability, a particular height, a good conversationalist, educated, lover of God, well dressed and the list goes on. I’ve never witnessed a woman stating that she wants a submitted man; one who makes his decisions and does his best to live his life based on what pleases God. How would one find that out? Take the time to watch him and ask God if he’s the one for you. Don’t tell him you’re looking for this quality because if he isn’t the real thing, he’ll pretend he is, until you lower your standards. Once your standards are low enough, he’ll walk right over you.
When a man is truly submitted to God, your life becomes that much easier. He’ll listen and obey when God tells him he has mistreated you and he needs to repent. He’ll submit to God when he’s tempted in areas of weakness. He’ll submit to you as Christ submits to God. He will do his best to love you as Christ loves the church by praying for you, protecting you, and laying down his life for you. He’ll be far from perfect but closer to perfection than most; he’ll be “The One”.
Sounds good? Now let’s take a quick look at the submitted woman. Re-read the previous paragraph and replace the word “man” with “woman” and replace the word “he” with “she” and so on.
Submission is required of both spouses in order to have a successful union. Submission doesn’t mean that someone is allowed to walk all over you. Submission is a selfless act for the good of the relationship. It is an act of obedience which leaves no room for pride, deception or abuse.
Sex & money aren’t the culprits for divorce, the refusal to submit is. So when you feel like you are ready to settle down and take the “marriage” journey, look for submission within yourself first and then in a mate.
Saleena is the author of a marriage ministry blog, entitled ‘The Marriage Lounge.”
She is also the author of an awesome book “Life; The Unlimited Edition”