“31 Days of Estrogen” has been amazing! Women from all walks sharing a little of their soul. Today, Pam Ryans, author of “Eyes Wise Open” shares an excerpt from her book and a little relationship advice! Thank you Pam for sharing your voice!
Eyes Wise Open – The Concepts of Life!
A revolution took root on September 1st. This seed was planted years ago. The phone rang and the earth, as I knew it, tilted. It was the worst day of my life as I later discovered. Yet, I didn’t know that it was… until 1 ½ years later, maybe even later.
Dreams of shattered glass and memories of the past were released. I was left helpless and wanted to be blameless…but I wasn’t. Leaps of imagination took that very seed and grew it into the serpent in the Garden of Eden.
I call the serpent Mister. Mister was a tall drink of iced tea, as the southerners call it. Twenty-six years prior, I admired him from afar and delighted myself in just the vision. I stared with amazement as to how God could create such a creature. This creature was standing before my very eyes and I said nothing.
Two years passed and I had the pleasure to intimately dine with the glass of tea. It was a salvage experience that clawed at my being and I at his. He left marked and I was parched as Mister drifted into the wind.
Shortly after, I strolled with my little one into his place of employment. He shied away as if I wasn’t there. I later found out that he was afraid that the stroller was for him. But, he had not counted the months. This couldn’t be. The beast that preyed on both of us was standing with a grin in the crowd.
Ten years passed. Now the tables were turned. I sat at my place of employment and Mister fell to my feet. He screeched a whistle as an invitation. I ignored. We exchanged graces and mercies from varied perceptions. I laughed, he sighed. This time I was a seeped cup of tea with lemon.
Five years passed. Now we meet face to face, one prey. The savage beast that grinned in the crowed now stood before each of us and we played the game.
It was a love affair waiting. I adored him. He was finally mine. He loved me. I was finally his.
Or so I thought!
Guard your gates…your eyes, your ears, your mouth, your skin, your hair, guard you!!!
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Proverbs 4:23).
I dared to glance back to see if I saw signs or was there evidence of what my future would entail. I saw no signs. So, as I journeyed back, I dared to relive the feelings and emotions of my youth and all of the Misters that “I” had allowed to stroll in and out of my life.
I had loving parents. Yet, I was looking (guard your eye-gate) for love. I wanted to rush into situations. So as I did, my appetite for love grew. To my dismay, I find that my thirst was from a seed that satan planted in my youth. I wanted to be loved. Yet, I didn’t love myself. So I did like many do, I looked for it outside of my being. I wanted to be hugged (guard your skin-gate) and “comforted”. Wow, what a revelation. Now I know that the Holy Spirit is the Comforter.
So, to this I say (guard your mouth-gate), guard your heart, guard you. For whatever your heart feels; it’s wants, it’s desires, it’s lust, you will eventually go after and create whether, positive or negative.
I subjected my dignity and respect for years….for my Mister!
To be continued……
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Vision Empowerment, LLC. Maximizing Talent.